The Glimpse of My Past

Diane’s P. O. V.

What right does he have, to kiss and hug me just like that? He even had the guts, and the thickness of his face was beyond exceptional to show up here!

He even knew the words, ‘Oh, God! I missed you so much,’ huh? And he also called me Diane? Crap! Coming from a rapist like him, I would never accept that!

After the heinous crime that he did to me? After he ruined my dignity? After he ravaged me for so many times while filling his deadly lust on top of my innocent body? Does he really have the face to show in front of me after he tore my life apart and shattered my dreams?

He never knew what I went through after that brutal night. I became a distortion that was unable to find my way back to my family. My physical body was able to get home the next morning, but my soul didn’t. Each day was a battle within me, as I never looked into the future the same way again.

If only the stares I was throwing at him could kill, he would have been dead by the time he entered my hospital room. My veins were all throbbing out because of rage and hatred, that I couldn’t stop myself from slapping him hard earlier. My anger spiked, resentment covered my heart, and his presence irked me at all.

I saw how shock flashed across his face as if he was silently asking me why I did that to him. If only he knew that I was not satisfied with what I did. So, for the second time around, I lifted my right hand, and my palm exasperatedly made contact on his face again.

It was stronger than the slap I gave him earlier, and while seeing how his angelic face turned red from the marks I did on his left cheek, I realized that it was still not enough for me.

The second time I slapped him, a tear of pain dripped down my left cheek. I hated to succumb to fury, but anger thrummed in me like it already replaced my heartbeats. It was coiling inside my stomach too, making me seethe inwardly.

It was still not enough, and nothing would ever be enough to cover what he did in the past! Those slaps were still insufficient to satisfy the thirst of vengeance reigning in my heart.

“What are you doing here, bastard? And you even had the nerve to show your face after what you have done? Wow!” With a dark expression, I sardonically remarked.

“After what you did to me that made my life miserable? After you’ve marked me with a horrible dent, urging me to hit the rock bottom? After you tormented me with all your shits, traumatizing the hell out of me? You’re a shithead! In fact, you’re more than a beast… so get out of here!” My jaws hardened.

A wave of molten anger surged throughout my whole system as I whined and threw the fruits he brought on his body. Sobbing, I also grabbed the bouquet of red roses that he placed on my bed and struck him with all my might.

When I was done smashing the flowers, and all broken petals were on the floor, I balled my fists and spanked them against his chest until my arms slowly got tired. Every part of me was gradually getting insane, and I couldn’t control myself.

He gently grabbed me by my wrists to stop me, but I immediately withdrew my hands from him. There was no way I would allow him to feel even the slightest part of my skin.

Everything just went back to what had happened then, and the emotional scars became raw again… especially the disturbing feeling when he touched me.

“Diane…” he whispered in front of me that made my lips twitch.

But why does it feel like I could feel his pain, and it was hurting me too? Why couldn’t I stare long at his dark-gray eyes, because if I did, those would only make me melt at all?

I briefly saw how his tears rolled down his cheeks, but why couldn’t I look at them? I ended up averting my gazes away from him and tried to calm myself down even though it was too impossible to happen.

My chest was still moving up and down out of fury and hatred. I felt like being suffocated while fighting the chaos of my rage.

“Diane… what’s wrong with you, Hija?” Mom soon approached and held me on my shoulders because I still couldn’t stop myself from crying.

The man in front of me just bowed his head out of guilt while wiping away his tears. I was too preoccupied to make him feel my wrath that I forgot that my mother was here.

Determined to get away from my haunting dark past, I didn’t answer Mom’s question and just kept on pushing the man in front of me right now. It was sickening to see him.

“Mom, please… please get him out of here! I-I can’t see him.” I shook my head in refusal. “Also, why did you call him ‘Hijo’ earlier? Did you know that lunatic, huh? Why welcome him here with open arms? Mom, please… take him away from me!” I got hysterical.Nôvel/Dr(a)ma.Org - Content owner.

But I didn’t expect to get more stunned by what Mom would say next as she held out my hands to calm me down. “Diane, please stop… I don’t understand you. What is your problem, Hija? Why do you keep on hurting him? Don’t you remember Liam?”

Doomed, I hopelessly looked at Mom before my eyes slowly turned to the man who destroyed my life four years ago. For the second time-I felt like my life would be ruined again, making me completely immobilized.

What does Mom mean? 

My swollen eyes suddenly got widened like those were popping out of their sockets. With down shoulders, tears gushed more like a streaming river on my cheeks. Trembling in fear, I slowly covered my mouth when I realized something.

Don’t tell me…

Liam? Was Liam really this man’s name? If I wasn’t mistaken… so, was it him?

Was he the one with whom I had an accident? Was he the man I supposed to marry? No! How would that even happen?

How could this heartless devil who raped me then, be the same man I would marry in the present? No way, I would never allow that to happen!

Just when I thought of winning the lottery because of my incomparable fiancé, I guessed I won a free ticket to hell instead. I worried so much if he could accept me after knowing the filthy truth about me, only to find out that he was the one who did that to me.

It looked like he only used my amnesia to his advantage. He lured me and played with me on the snap of his fingers. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if he used my body again for his lustful purpose.

Tears streamed down my cheeks one after another. It was as if heaven and earth were collapsing right in front of me from what I heard. I even chuckled like a crazy woman because I didn’t want to accept the fact that is now waiting to slap me real hard.

No, this can’t be happening! Lord, please… if I am dreaming right now… wake me up, please! And if these are all true, I hope that You just let me sleep forever. I hope that You just let me die and not continue living my life with all this misery and anger.

With lumps forming on my throat, I swallowed unstoppably. That was when I finally found my voice after shock occupied me.

“D-Don’t tell me… it was him? Mom, was he the one I s-supposed to marry?” I unbelievably pointed my finger to that Liam with my voice full of disgust. I was still confirming, even though I already knew the fact.

The moment Mom called him Liam, I already knew the answer, but why does it feel like I wanted to hurt myself even more? I couldn’t get stabbed with the truth. But unlike in the past, this effing truth, even more, betrayed me now.

Based on his reaction earlier, when I cussed and called him names, it was pretty obvious that he already knew what I was referring to. I was sure as hell that he remembered my face, and he fucking knew what kind of hell he let me suffer before!

Mom smiled then, still being clueless. “Yes, Hija. He was none other than Liam-your fiancé! Give yourself a little more time to remember him, okay? It will take time, but he will surely come to your memory.”

Mom said those words softly, but it sounded like an exploding bomb in my ears. But how I wished that there could be a real bomb exploding in front of me so that I could quickly escape this nightmarish reality.

“Liam, I would be the one to say sorry for what Diane did to you. I think you’re not informed yet. Diane has amnesia, so she doesn’t recognize you. But please be patient to understand her, could you do that? Memories within the last four years are what she forgot-” I interrupted what Mom would say next because I couldn’t bear to see her talking to that wicked and unscrupulous man.

“Mom! What are you doing, and why are you apologizing to him? He doesn’t have the right to be here in the first place,” I snapped at her. “He owed me something that I could never get back! That douchebag aggrieved me by ruining my life!”

“Diane, enough with your swearing! Where are your manners, huh?” Mom barked as if she was in favor of that Liam.

“You don’t understand, Mom! I remember him… because it seems like everything only happened yesterday. But I can’t marry him, and I will never be able to marry that asshole!” I was sniffing yet shivering with anger while explaining to her.

Hiccupping with my constant crying, I was having trouble breathing. It felt like my throat began to constrict, and my heart accelerated in dread.

If only glowering stares could kill him, I hoped that he would die repeatedly so that he could feel what I felt way back then… and how he was making me feel devastated at the moment. I would never forgive what he did to me, and it would have been better if he killed me the night he tarnished my purity.

“W-What do you mean, Diane? What’s your problem, Liam? Both of you, can you please make me understand what’s going on here?” Mom asked out of confusion, looking back and forth between us two.