Ex-Husband's Regret

Nine years ago.

My phones pings with a new notification waking me up from yet another restless sleep. For some reason, I haven’t been able to sleep well for the past two years. Part of me thinks it’s because of Rowan. That my heart and head aren’t at peace because he isn’t near me anymore. My restlessness started when he joined university two years ago.

During the time he’s away at Uni, I rarely sleep but when he’s home for the breaks, I sleep like a baby. Groaning at yet another night without sleep, I wake up and check my phone. I’m surprised but it quickly turns to happiness when I see what the notification is. I paid someone money to install an app that lets me track Rowan every time he’s around.

Right now it just notified me that he was home. Jumping out of bed, I get dressed quickly. He was probably back with Emma or maybe Travis or Gabe, but I didn’t mind. I just wanted to see him even if it’s from a far.

Once I’m done getting ready, I sneak out through my bedroom window. I had the furthest room in the house. It’s nearly Impossible for my parents or the maids to hear me leaving. I get safely down and begin walking. Taking my phone out, I order an Uber.

“This is a terrible idea!” a voice niggles in my sub–consciousness I ignore it. My head is already swimming with visions of my Rowan. I haven’t seen him in months and my eyes were dying to feast on him.

“Ava, go back home. You’re making a mistake” the voice continues shouting. I stop in my tracks. That isn’t right. Nothing about Rowan would ever be a mistake. Cementing that in my head, I push all other thoughts to the back of my mind. Minutes later, my ride arrives.

“Please, Ava, turn back” the damn voice pleads with me just as I am getting into the car. I feel torn. Like I was fighting against my own mind and body. Finally I manage to push the thought aside and get inside the car.

I should have listened to its warning. Another thirty minutes, we arrive at a bar. I pay the guy and get out. I stare at the dingy place wondering what the hell Rowan was doing here.

This wasn’t his kind of scene. 1 Squaring my shoulders, I walk towards it and manage to get in using a fake ID. Quickly, I walk to a hidden spot and survey the place looking for him. I locate him within seconds, surprised to find he was alone. I stay hidden for a while. Waiting to see if any of the others will arrive but none of them do. He was here alone.

“You’ve feasted your eyes, now let’s leave” damn that stupid voice. I ignore it completely. This might be my chance to get him to notice me. Now that he was here alone and Emma wasn’t by his side. I take a deep breath and walk the short distance to him.

“Hey Rowan” I greet shyly. He turns and gives me a blinding smile. Catching me off guard. We rarely talk and he has always gone to great lengths to ignore and avoid me, so the smile catches me off guard.

“It’s little Ava” he shouts. “How are you doing?” he asks

It’s then I realize he was completely drunk. That was the only reason he looked so happy and receptive towards me. I take the chair next to him. Immediately he orders me a drink. I take my first taste and it was disgusting. I have never drank in my life but I force myself to do it.

“So how’s school?” I ask, feeling myself relax little by little. He smirks and nudges my shoulder.

“Is that really what you want to ask me?”

“No, I want to ask what you’re doing here drinking alone but I didn’t want to come off as rude.” He sways in his seat as he leans forward. “Aren’t you sweet” he says then goes back to drinking.

“Are you okay?” I ask in concern.

He wasn’t acting like his normal self. He ignores me and continues drinking, I continue drinking too and just keep quiet Waiting for  “She doesn’t want to marry me” he says after a while. I stare at him. I was already feeling a kind of buzz.

“Who? Emma?”

“Yes, I asked her to marry me. I had the ring and I proposed. I even took her to a special place and got down on one knee. I did everything right but she still turned me down.”

I look at him in shock. Unable to believe that he had asked her to marry him. I’m hurt, but I push it down. “She said that she wasn’t ready. That she wants to focus on school first. Why didn’t she want to marry me? Doesn’t she love me?” he ask, his voice full of hurt and pain.

I didn’t know what to say. Part of me was glad she turned him down, while the other hurt on his behalf because I could see that it was tearing him apart. “You are awesome Rowan. If she doesn’t want to marry you then that’s her loss. I say fuck her, you can do so much better”

I raise my drink up. He stares at me for a while before smiling. “You’re right, fuck her” he slurs as he clinks our glasses. I don’t know for how long we stay there. We talk, dance and drink. By the time we were leaving we were both drunk, him more so than me. He suggest I share his hotel room and I agree. I couldn’t go home drunk. My parents would skin me alive given I could barely stand straight. He calls a cab and a few minutes later we are in his room The moment the door closes behind us, he is on me. Kissing me and touching me. He rips my clothes off until I’m left in nothing but my panties.

“Fuck! I’ve been waiting for this for so long” he slurs, while removing his own clothes. Igiggle. “Me too..are you sure you want this? You want me?” This seem too good to be true. That I was finally getting the man of my dream.

“Definitely”

He leads me to the bed. Everything is a blur. I feel his touch, his kisses and his love. It hurt at first since I was a virgin, but he made it better. Soon we were both climaxing. “Emma” he groaned her name as he came. As I drift into nothingness, I can’t help but think that something was wrong. He just wouldn’t confuse me with my sister right?

“Fuck!” the familiar panicked voice wakes me up. I open my eyes and sit up in bed wondering what the hell was happening, and why Rowan was in my bedroom. I’m struck by horror when I see him pacing the room shirtless. It’s then I realize that I was naked. I scramble to get out of bed. Holding the sheets tightly to my chest. “No, no, no” I start chanting.

Fear and panic gripping me. His eyes turn to me. They’re burning with rage and hatred. I try to think back to what happened. Things are a little blurry. What I thought was a damn dream was not. “What the fuck happened and what the hell are you doing in my hotel room?” Rowan asks me, anger lacing his voice.

“I–I” the words refuse to leave my mouth.

Not only because I was a mess but also because I didn’t know what to explain things. How do I tell him that I had an app that tracks his movement when he’s in town? How do I explain that I never planned to sleep with him? I start picking up my clothes.

My hands trembling. The fact that I was sore and winced with each step proved that last night wasn’t a dream. I had slept with my sister’s boyfriend. The guy she was in love with. The one she planned on having a future with. “I asked you a fucking question” he shouts, throwing a lamp against the wall. “I found you at a bar and we started drinking, that’s all I remember” I lie even though I remember bits and pieces.Text property © Nôvel(D)ra/ma.Org.

He was livid Guilt was written all over his face. Rowan loved Emma and because of nie he might. just lose her  “And you want me to believe that? You have been after me since I was twelve. I go out to drink and you’re just conveniently there?” he growls, firing those questions. I ignore him and put my clothes as best as I can without flashing him my bits. “You think I planned all this?” I asks motioning to the room and scattered clothes. “You’re not the only one who was drunk, Rowan” I insist. I might have gone there intentionally but I hadn’t planned on getting drunk and losing my virginty to him. He grips his hair so tightly I’m afraid he’ll rip chunks of it off. “What am I going to do? I thought I was making love to Emma” he cries. “She’ll never forgive me for this, she’ll hate. I love her so much and because of you I’m going to lose her” I feel hurt. Broken inside. Utterly shattred that he thought I was Emma. I don’t remember every single detail, but I thought it was special, and now he tells me that it wasn’t me he was making love to. I look at him and push away my pain. He looked liked he needed someone, so I walk to him and place my hand on his shoulder. Trying to give him comfort. Instead he reacts violently. He pushes me so forcefully that I fall. “Don’t fucking touch you bitch!” he roars, anger and bitterness radiating off him in waves.

I stand up, tears filling my eyes. “Rowan, I never planned on this happening” I can tell he’s already lost to me. “Just fucking leave… I never want to see your face ever again” he says sitting down on the bed, heartbroken. Tears swimming in his eyes. The look on his face breaks my heart. He looked torn, shattered. I wanted to help him but I knew he wouldn’t accept my help. So instead I leave. I wanted this to be a bad dream, but it wasn’t. I had messed up big time. Two days later ‘here is that fucking bitch?” I hear Emma scream from downstairs. y hearts pounds, almost breaking my chest. Deep down I knew that Rowan had told her the ath. She was now out to get blood. efore I can do hide like the coward I am, my bedroom door flies open and Emma walks in. She as crying, mascara was running down her face, a battle between anger and pain waging war in er eyes. don’t have time to react before she slaps me. Pain stings my cheek. I don’t stop her when she oes it again and again until I’m cowering and crying on the floor. This was my penance for what I ad done. Emma!” she was about to hit me again when father’s voice stops her. “What is the meaning of this, why are you hitting your sister?” I look to the door to find him and mother standing there in shock. They have never been my biggest fan, but now they’ll downright hate me when the truth comes out. Both mine and Rowan’s family were looking forward to the union of Rowan and Emma. Our mother’s couldn’t stop talking about it. Everyone in our families were beyond happy when they started dating. I ruined all that a few nights ago. “She’s no sister of mine!” she shrieks looking deranged. My mother sighs, looking at me emotionlessly, “What did she do this time? Did she dye your conditioner again?” “I wish…the stupid hoe seduced Rowan when he was drunk and slept with him” Emma’s hands were fisted as she answered, tears still pouring from her eyes I don’t know what Rowan told them but that wasn’t what happened. Our parents turn to me. Disgust written all over their faces. Father’s face soon turns angry and cold All of which are directed at me. I’m not surprised though, Emma was his princess while I was nothing. “I didn’t I was drunk too, I didn’t mean to sleep with him” I defend myself, my vice coming out lowly Lair” Emma screams before her heels connect with my abdomen. “Rowan would never sleep with you in his right frame of mind. He loves me and we all know you’ve been obsessed with him since. abort of rapes” +15 BONUS I’m taken aback That she would suggest I raped him. Why wouldn’t she believe me when I said 1 was drunk? That I didn’t intentionally set out to hurt her. “Daddy, what am I going to do? She’s ruined everything. How can I look at Rowan the same knowing he slept with this shut” she crosses the room and gets into father’s arms. Father looks at me like I’m the scum of the earth. Like I wasn’t also his daughter. “I didn’t raise you to be slut, Ava. l’or what you’ve done to your sister, I’ll never forgive you” he says before walking away with a crying Emma. His words hurt but I push it away. It was also on the tip of my mouth to tell him that he never 1aised me at all, but I hold back “I hope you’re happy now…it’s sad that you would stoop so low just so you can steal a man that doesn’t belong to you. You disgust me Ava, I don’t know why god cursed me with you as a daughter” mother says before also leaving. I’m left on the floor crying. Feeling more alone than ever. Wishing that I could wake up from this terrible dream. Knowing that my life will never be the same.