Chapter 158
Sebastian’s POV.
The night was quiet, except for the hum of the city outside the massive suite. I sat on the couch, staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of everything. It was hard not to think about Alex
Alex Williams Alistair…billionaire, father, husband. Hell, the guy had everything. He had reconciled with a woman as amazing as Christiana, after their divorce. He had two kids who adored him. A mother who, despite being the kind of person I’d never want to meet in a dark alley, was still alive. And then there was me.
I sighed, leaning forward, elbows on my knees, hands clasped. My mom was gone, buried just two months ago. All I had left were memories…bitter ones at that. She did her best, sure, but life was hard, and she wasn’t strong like Christiana. And here I was, sitting in a suite that wasn’t even mine, staring at a life I could only dream of.
Yet somehow, I couldn’t hate Alex. I wanted to. I had every reason to. He had the life I’d kill for, but he didn’t shove it in my face. Instead, he’d taken me in, treated me like family when no one else did.
“Damn you, Alistair,” I muttered under my breath. My fists clenched as I leaned back, closing my eyes.
I hated that I admired him. I hated that he made it so damn hard to hate him. He wasn’t perfect…he’d messed up with Christiana in the past, hurt her, let her down. But now? Now he was this unshakable tower of stability, the kind of man anyone would want to be. The kind of man I’d never be.
I exhaled sharply, shaking my head. “Get over yourself, Sebastian,” I whispered. But the thoughts wouldn’t stop.
Christiana’s laugh echoed in my mind. God, she was something else. Strong, powerful, beautiful. She carried herself with this grace that made everyone look twice. And she wasn’t just Alex’s woman…she was her own person, with her own empire, her own money.
How the hell did Alex pull that off?
I scrubbed a hand over my face, frustration bubbling up in my chest. It wasn’t jealousy, not really. It was something deeper something darker. I wasn’t envious of what Alex had…I was angry at the world for making it impossible for me to have the
same.
The door to the suite creaked open, and Alex stepped out, his tie loose, his shirt untucked. He looked exhausted, but there was a calmness in his eyes, the kind of calm that only came from having everything you needed.
“Still up?” he asked, his voice low.
I nodded, avoiding his gaze. “Yeah, couldn’t sleep.”
He walked over, grabbed a bottle of water from the minibar, and sat down across from me. He didn’t say anything at first, just drank, his eyes scanning the room like he was looking for answers too.
“You alright?” he asked finally, his tone casual, but there was something in his eyes that said he already knew I wasn’t.
I shrugged, forcing a smile. “Yeah, just… thinking.”
“About?”
I hesitated, the words sticking in my throat. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to say, Why the hell do you have everything, and I have nothing? But I couldn’t. Because deep down, I knew it wasn’t his fault.
“Nothing important,” I said instead.
Alex raised an eyebrow, clearly not buying it. But he didn’t push. That was the thing about him…he knew when to let things
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“Look,” he said after a moment, his tone softer, “I know things haven’t been easy for you. Losing your mom, dealing with everything….it’s a lot. But you’re not alone, Sebastian. You’ve got me. You’ve got Christiana. Hell, you’ve got Ethan and
Emma now too.”
I laughed bitterly. “Yeah, because a billionaire and his perfect family are exactly what I need to make me feel better.”
Alex frowned, leaning forward. “Don’t do that.”
“Do what?”
“Undermine yourself. You’re not just some stray I picked up, Sebastian. You’re my brother. Different mother’s or not, that doesn’t change. And you’ve got a lot more going for you than you think.”
I looked away, swallowing hard. “Yeah, sure.”
He sighed, running a hand through his hair. “I’m serious, Sebastian. You’re better than you give yourself credit for. Don’t let your past define you.”
His words hit harder than I wanted to admit. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.
For all my resentment, for all my anger, Alex Williams Alistair was a good man. And that was what made it so damn hard to hate him.
The bed felt foreign, stiff under my back, the silence of the room a mockery of the chaos in my head. I stared at the ceiling, the shadows of the city lights outside playing tricks on my mind. Sleep wasn’t coming, no matter how hard I tried.
This wasn’t my place… it never was. I didn’t belong here, in this luxury suite, surrounded by all the things I could never call mine. Alex had gone back to Christiana and the twins, back to his family. Where he belonged. And me? I was stuck here, a guest in a life that wasn’t mine.
I rolled onto my side, my fist pounding the mattress in frustration. “Damn it,” I hissed under
my
breath.
The thoughts kept circling, relentless. Alex’s calm, his confidence, the way he fit into this perfect little world. Christiana’s smile, her warmth, her strength. The kids, Ethan and Emma, laughing as they played. And then there was me….a mess, an outsider.
I shoved the covers off, my chest heaving. Staying in bed was pointless. I needed something…anything…to shut my brain: My feet hit the cold floor as I made my way to the minibar.
- up.
The bottles glinted in the dim light, their contents promising a brief escape. I grabbed the first one I saw, some expensive- looking whiskey, and unscrewed the cap with shaky hands.
“Here’s to feeling nothing,” I muttered, tipping the bottle back.
The burn was immediate, scorching my throat, but it wasn’t enough. I drank more, and then more, until the bitterness in my chest felt a little more bearable.
I sank onto the couch, the bottle dangling from my fingers, my head swimming. I hated this…hated myself for feeling this way. Alex didn’t deserve my resentment. He’d done nothing but try to help me, to make me feel like I belonged. But that was the problem, wasn’t it?
He had everything. And I had… this.
I took another swig, the liquid warming my stomach but doing nothing to quiet the storm in my mind.
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“Get it together, Sebastian, Imuttered, rubbing a hand over my face.
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But the liquor didn’t stop the thoughts. It just made them louder, more jagged. Images of my mother flashed in my mind… her tired face, her trembling hands as she tried to hold everything together for me. She was gone now, and I was left to navigate this life on my
own.
Except I wasn’t really alone, was I?
I stared at the bottle in my hand, my vision blurring. Alex had taken me in. Christiana had welcomed me. Ethan and Emma had hugged me like I was someone worth knowing.
And here I was, drowning in self–pity, ruining myself over things I couldn’t change.
The thought made my stomach churn. I leaned back, closing my eyes, the alcohol dulling the edges of my frustration but not enough to make it go away completely.
“I’m a mess,” I whispered to the empty room, the words hanging heavy in the air.
And maybe I was. But at least for tonight, with the whiskey in my veins and the weight of the world on my shoulders, I could pretend I wasn’t.
The night dragged on. I didn’t realize how much time had passed until I glanced at the clock, the small, harsh light flashing the hours I’d wasted. Barely dawn. The city outside was just starting to wake, the sky a deep shade of purple that made the lights of the buildings look like scattered stars. It was quiet now, almost peaceful, but I felt the storm inside me still raged, my chest tight, my thoughts tangled in a mess of anger, jealousy, and guilt.
Idragged myself off the couch, pushing the half–empty bottle of whiskey aside. The room felt smaller somehow, the walls closing in as if they could choke the air out of me. The shadows in the corners seemed to reach for me, whispering that I didn’t belong here, never had.
I ran a hand through my hair, frowning at the mess I’d become. My face was drawn, the stubble along my jaw scratchy against my fingers. I hadn’t shaved in days, and I didn’t care. The reflection in the mirror was someone I barely recognized.. eyes bloodshot, lips tight, shoulders hunched like I was carrying a weight I couldn’t shed.
“God, what the hell am I doing?” I muttered under my breath, my voice rough from the whiskey.
I looked back at the bed, where the remnants of the night with Alex’s family still felt like they lingered. They were out of reach now, a dream I couldn’t hold onto.
Alex, the man who had everything…his kids, his ex–wife who still loved him, a fortune to back it all up, and a future I could never have. Then there was me. A guy who had lost everything, from my mother to my chance at happiness.
I clenched my fists, looking away from the mirror.
No. I had to get out of here. I couldn’t stay in this damn hotel room any longer, watching the life I could never have play out in front of me.
I grabbed my jacket, the leather cold against my skin as I pulled it on. My fingers were unsteady as I reached for the door, the sound of it clicking open seeming to echo in the quiet room
I stepped into the hallway, the cool air brushing against my face and I walked. My feet carried me without thinking, each step taking me farther away from the room, from the false sense of belonging.
I didn’t want to bother Alex or Christiana. Not now, not when I felt like a stranger to everything around me. Christiana…she was so damn strong, so confident. She was amazing, and I hated myself for feeling like I was somehow less than what she deserved.
But I couldn’t be near them right now. I had to go. I needed space.
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As I walked through the corridor, I felt the weight of the night pressing down on me, the urge to leave becoming stronger. The glass walls of the hotel seemed to be closing in, the city lights reflecting off the windows, reminding me that I was so far from where I wanted to be.
I walked past the bodyguards, made my way to the elevator, pressing the button with force, as if doing so would push away all the chaos swirling inside me. The ding of the elevator felt like a lifeline, a chance to escape for a moment. I stepped in and hit the ground floor, the doors sliding shut behind me.
I wasn’t sure where I was going, but I knew it wasn’t back up to that suite. Not yet.
When the elevator finally hit the lobby, I stepped out and into the early morning air, the cool breeze biting at my skin. The world was still asleep, the streets quiet except for the occasional car passing by. My breath came out in shaky clouds as I took in the unfamiliar surroundings, the weight on my chest growing heavier by the second.
I walked aimlessly, my mind spinning. Each footstep was a beat in the song of my frustration, the rhythm of my life that never seemed to match anyone else’s.
Why couldn’t I just be happy for Alex? Happy for Christiana? For the life they were building together?
Because I didn’t have that. I didn’t have the love, the family, the peace that they had. I didn’t have the luxury of just being happy.
I shoved my hands into my pockets, the cold biting through the fabric, but it wasn’t enough to numb the ache inside. I didn’t know where I was headed. I didn’t know what I wanted to do, but I kn
ew I couldn’t be with them. Not while I felt like this.
Not while I felt like I was drowning in a world that wasn’t mine to belong to.
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