CHAPTER 138: KIERAN’S NIGHTMARES; A NEW BEING
My eyes turned as I sat up in bed. My head throbbed with a dull ache, and nausea churned in my stomach. It was strange. I hadn’t been particularly stressed the previous day, and I definitely hadn’t done anything that could make me feel the way that I felt. In fact, I’d been in bed earlier than usual. The exhaustion I felt was even more than when I had gone to bed.
However, there had been endless guests, well-wishers, and some dignitaries who’d come to congratulate us on Kieran’s recovery. But I had done nothing other than smile and exchange pleasantries. The food and the drinks had only nauseated me and so there was no way that I should be feeling the way I already felt.
Pushing myself up, I noticed the space beside me. It had become a familiar sight these past few weeks. Kieran could be anywhere; he had always liked his work. Maybe in his study or with his soldiers for an early morning drill.
My stomach rolled again as I swung my legs over the edge. The room seemed to tilt slightly, and for a moment, I grabbed the bedside drawer squeezing my eyes shut until the dizziness reduced.
Suddenly, a scream came from the bathroom
My heart hammered against my chest and I scrambled to my feet. Suddenly forgetting how I had previously felt.
I heard the scream again it was closer this time. Without a second thought, I threw on my robe and flung open the bathroom door.
“Kieran, what’s wrong?” I called out and he turned to me. His eyes were broadened and his hair was out of place.
“Clara! Did you see that?”
“See what?” I demanded. The scent of burnt electronics came from the shower stall, making my nose wrinkle.
He pointed a shaky finger at the showerhead. “The light,” he stammered. “There were flashes of light. Strange symbols appeared on the wall!”
I followed his gaze, but all I saw was a perfectly ordinary showerhead, dripping with water. The only light I saw came from the bulbs in the bathroom and the window.
“Kieran,” I said gently, “There’s nothing there. You must be…”
He cut me off,? “Don’t you dare tell me I’m imagining things. I saw them, Clara, it was real!”
“Real?” I scoffed. “This is real, Kieran! Me, here, worried sick because you’re screaming about some light in the shower. We can’t keep going on like this.”
“Like what? This isn’t some tantrum I can just snap out of, Clara, I’m not myself lately. Can’t you see that?”
“See what?” I threw my arms up. “All I see is a shadow of the man I fell in love with. The strong, stoic Kieran who wouldn’t bat an eyelid at a flickering lightbulb.”
He squeezed his face as if I’d slapped him.? The anger drained out of him and was suddenly replaced by sadness.
For a moment, we just stared at each other. No one said anything. My bones were weary and feeble. At that point, I just needed to rest and not have any more drama.
“I don’t know what’s happening to you, Kieran,” I said finally. “But I can’t keep playing therapist while you push me away with these constant acts of yours. I’m tired.”
Tears swelled up in my eyes. Without another word, I turned and walked out, slamming the door shut behind me with so much force that it echoed through the empty hallway.
As soon as I got to the sitting room, I collapsed on the longue burying my face in my hands. I didn’t know what else to do or how else to make Kieran feel normal again. I wish I could take away the nightmares and give him all the strength that was left in me. I just need him to be Kieran again.
The stress of the past few days had taken its toll on me leaving me drained and emotionally worn out.
I was exhausted. I rested my head against the uncomfortable dining table, the half-eaten burger abandoned on the table before me.
I felt a touch on my shoulder. I looked up to the face that peered down on it. It was Kieran. He held a small bouquet of lilies.
“I’m so sorry, babe,” he said softly.
I widened my eyes. He looked different from who he had been a few weeks past into someone new. His hair was well-styled. And above all, he looked genuinely remorseful. He was different from the cold, distant man he’d been lately.
“Sorry for what?” I mumbled; my eyes felt heavy.
“For everything,” he replied, his gaze searching mine.? “For the way I’ve been acting, for pushing you away.? There’s no excuse for it, and I know I’ve been awful.”
The apology caught me off guard.? For weeks, I’d longed to hear him acknowledge his behavior, and now that he had. It was good.
“Awful?” I echoed, “Kieran, you’ve been a stranger.? Screaming about strange flickering lights, acting paranoid… it’s not like you.”
He winced at my words, “I know.”
I wanted us to talk more but the heaviness in my eyes did not go away. I lost my strength to speak all I wanted was to go back to sleep.
“We can talk about it later,” I said finally.? “Right now, I’m just… tired.”
“Of course, but please, Clara, believe me when I say I’ll make things right.? I won’t shut you out anymore.”
At least, it was a starting point for us again.
I signed and took the lilies from his hand.
“Thank you,” I smiled, “Come here.”
As I pulled him into a hug, a sudden feeling came over me. My stomach turned violently, and I moved away from him quickly holding my hands over my mouth to let whatever was coming from my stomach at least get to my hand first before letting the entire palace know what I had munched on, the flowers tumbled to the floor as I fled for my chambers.
“Clara?” Kieran’s voice called out, “What’s wrong?”
I stumbled towards the bathroom, and the urge to vomit came strong.
As soon as I got to the sink, I let myself and emptied the contents of my stomach into the sink. Seeing what had just happened troubled me.
I hadn’t eaten anything bad or anything I was allergic to. So why the sudden sickness?
Just then, I heard Kieran’s voice on the other side of the door.? “Clara? Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I lied, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.? “Just a little… indigestion.? Don’t worry about it.”
“Are you sure?” His voice sounded strained, “I can get you some water, or…”
“No, really,” I insisted, forcing a lightness into my voice that I didn’t quite feel.? “I’ll be fine.? Just need a minute.”
Instead, I walked to the door and locked it just in case the thought of coming in somehow got to Kieran’s mind.
I leaned against the cool ceramic sink. My breathing had become intensified from running and vomiting.
What was happening to me?? The sudden sickness, ? Could I be…?
No…no…it can’t possibly be that. I pushed the thought away just as quickly as it arrived.? The memory of my first pregnancy, the grief of the loss.
It still hurt like a fresh wound in my heart. And it was too much to bear.
I wiped out the tears that rolled down my cheek keeping my mind on what was necessary. Finding out.
By the time I felt the bathroom, Kieran had already stepped out. I grabbed my jacket and the keys to my car as I could before he would return. Stealing a glance at the clock it was almost closing time I grabbed my purse and rushed out.Content © provided by NôvelDrama.Org.
The pharmacy across the street was small. But it had what I needed.? Thankfully, they were still open.? Under the watchful eye of the bored-looking pharmacist, I hastily grabbed a pregnancy test kit and headed back to the counter for payment.
“Expecting?” the pharmacist said.
I managed a dry smile and hoped that he would not ask another question that would suddenly place a name to my face, as Queen. That would be loud and Kieran would know luckily, he didn’t.
Back in the privacy of my chambers, I followed the instructions on the pack. My hands trembled as I tried to open it.
The wait felt longer than any other. I just wanted it to be over with.
Then, there it was. Two faint pink lines. Positive.
I smiled, Kieran would have an heir and I would finally have a child but then, the smile dried up. And all the many that it’s popped up in my head again.
Just then, a knock on the door startled me.? The pregnancy test fell across the floor, landing face down on the tiles.
“Clara? Are you sure you’re alright? I heard…”
My heart began to pound.? How could I tell him?? The emotions were still too raw, the fear of losing him all over again was strong.
“I’m fine. Just… tired.? Go back to your work.”
“But…” He hesitated.? “Can I come in?”
My breath hitched. He couldn’t see the test, not yet.? Not until I had time to process this, to understand what it meant for us and me.
“No,” I blurted out, “I said I’m fine.? Please, just go.”
He said nothing.
After a minute, I heard his footsteps recede down the hallway. I sank to the floor and wrapped my arms around myself.
Even if I knew that Kieran wanted this, I still couldn’t tell how he would feel about it. What emotions would come first and which would come later?